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- Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a
hostage situation?
- Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
- I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said,
'The whole time.'
- So what's the speed of dark?
- After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the
water?
- Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
- If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
- I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special
Olympics?
- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to have an 's' in it?
- How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
- Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
- Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be
called builts?
- Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
- Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds' fee on money they already know
that you don't have?
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